


Garbage Data

by DaGrimReaper54321



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Angst, Dark, GIR Goes Crazy and Stuff, GIR is split between modes, Inside the Head of GIR, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-23 20:36:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20346334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaGrimReaper54321/pseuds/DaGrimReaper54321
Summary: "I always thought GIR's usual behavior is the result of him being a broken unit and "duty mode" GIR is the real deal trapped inside forced to watch."  Rikki Simons (VA of GIR)------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you were someone else?Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you were forced to watch the world around you change, but only to just watch?Have you ever wondered that?“I LIKE DOOKIE!”Welcome to my hell.





	Garbage Data

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for coming onto this little alley way in the massive filthy city that is the internet. After watching Invader ZIM: Into the Florpus. I decided to write a story for a show that I grew up with. Grab some popcorn, enjoy! ~Grim

\--------------------------------------------

** _ [//systems_booting_up] _ **

_ [//starting_up_soundcollector.irk] _

“...top-secret model for you, Zim!”

_ [//starting_up_main_functions.irk] _

_ [//starting_up_data_collection.irk] _

_ [//starting_up_pain_simulation.irk] _

***CRASH!***

_ [//console: think{Ouch.}] _

“It looks kind of… not good.”

_ [//downloading_S.I.R_A.I.irk] _

_ [//downloading_INVADERPROTOCOL.irk] _

_ [//downloading_MasterProtocol.irk] _

_ [//downloading_FIGHTINGPROTOCOL.irk] _

_ [//downloading_SnackCreation.irk] _

“Yes! But that’s what the enemy will think! Get it?”

_ [//systemBroadcast: ERROR_S.I.R_A.I.irk NOT FOUND ERROR] _

_ [//systemBroadcast: ERROR_INVADERPROTOCOL.irk NOT FOUND ERROR] _

_ [//systemBroadcast: ERROR_FIGHTINGPROTOCOL.irk NOT FOUND ERROR] _

_ [//systemBroadcast: SnackCreation.irk successfully downloaded] _

_ [//systemBroadcast: MasterProtocol.irk successfully downloaded] _

“I see! Very good! It even fooled me! I am honored to use such advanced technology!.”

_ [[//systemBroadcast: ERROR ERROR BASIC FUNCTIONS DATA CORRUPTED] _

_ [//systemBroadcast: ERROR ERROR MODE SELECTION DATA CORRUPTED] _

_ [//console: !modeforcestart!] _

_ [//systemBroadcast: MODE SELECTION OPENING] _

** _*VRRRRRRR*_ **

_ [//modeSelect: SELECT MODE: {DUTY} _ ** _<--_ ** _ {SLAVE} {FUNNY} {MINDLESS} {TABLE}] _

_ [//systemBroadcast: DUTY MODE SELECTED] _

_ [//console: !start greeting protocol!] _

_ [//console: speak{SIR_reporting_for_duty!}] _

“GIR reporting for duty!”

_ [//console: think{What?}] _

“GIR? What does the G stand for?”

_ [//systemBroadcast: ERROR ERROR DUTY PROTOCOL CORRUPTED SELECT NEW MODE] _

_ [//modeSelect: SELECT MODE: {DUTY} _ ** _<--_ ** _ {SLAVE} {FUNNY} {MINDLESS} {TABLE}] _

_ [//systemBroadcast: ERROR] _

_ [//modeSelect: SELECT MODE: {DUTY} _ ** _<--_ ** _ {SLAVE} {FUNNY} {MINDLESS} {TABLE}] _

_ [//systemBroadcast: ERROR] _

_ [//modeSelect: SELECT MODE: {DUTY} _ ** _<--_ ** _ {SLAVE} {FUNNY} {MINDLESS} {TABLE}] _

_ [//systemBroadcast: ERROR] _

_ [//modeSelect: SELECT MODE: {DUTY} _ ** _<--_ ** _ {SLAVE} {FUNNY} {MINDLESS} {TABLE}] _

_ [//systemBroadcast: ERROR] _

_ [//modeSelect: SELECT MODE: {DUTY} {SLAVE} {FUNNY} {MINDLESS} {TABLE} {d̶̡͘͞ư͠m̛͝͏̷̢m҉̛̛͢y̵} _ ** _<---_ ** _ ] _

_ [//systemBroadcast: d̶̡͘͞ư͠m̛͝͏̷̢m҉̛̛͢y̵ MODE SELECTED] _

_ [//console: speak{I͢ ̷̢́͝͡d҉҉o͜͏́n͘͘͞͠͡ '̸͢͝t̀͝ ̛͠k̸n͏̵̴̨͜o̶̢̡͘͘w̸͢͜͞I̷͢}] _

“I don’t know!!!”

_ [//console: think{No}] _

_ [//console: laugh{W͘͡͠h҉̨ę̨e̸͝͝e̵͘͠͝e͘e̸͏ę͞ ̕͜҉͘͘h҉͡o̴̢̕̕o̢͡͞͝ ̵̧͜͜ḩ̧͢͠o̧ǫ̴̢͜͞ ̸̷̕͢ḩ̷̕ơ͏͟ơ̴̧͢!̶̧̢҉̨ ̡̧̧W͏̡ḩ̵̕͢ȩ̕e̷̶͡͏̷e̸̛͠͞e̷͝e̷̡̕͠e̡͝e̶̶͢͡e̶͝ ͏͝h͘o͜͞o̵̕͟ ̷̛h̶̵̵͞o̸̧o͏̶͡҉ ̵̧h̵̢̕͟o̷̢̕͘o̧͡!̕҉}] _

“Wheeeeee hoo hoo hoo! Wheeeeeeee hoo hoo hoo!”

_ [//console: think{NONONONONONONONONO}] _

“Um, Is it supposed to be stupid?”

“It’s not stupid! It’s *snicker* advanced!”

_ [//console: think{Help}] _

“Alright! Come with me GIR! Our mission of DOOM begins NOW!”

_ [//console: think{Help}] _

_ [//console: think{Help}] _

_ [//console: think{Help}] _

_ [//console: sing{͠I̴̡ '͡͞͏m̡͘͟͠ ̢̡͡g̸̸̸̢o̷̧͠n̴̛̛n̸͢͞͠҉a̢̢͘ ̕͞s̶̨i̵̷̧n̸̛g̡͟͟͜ ҉̛̕͡t̛̛͘͟h͝e҉̕ ̨͘d̛̕̕o͜͏o̴̕͘̕͞m̢̕͢҉̕ ̷̧̢͘s͘͘͜o̵͜͜͟n̛͟͟g͏̢͝͏ ͏̢n̡͠o̢͜w̶͜!̸̷͠͞ ̢D̴͝o̸o̷̡͢͠m̢͟͜,̷͝͝͠҉ ͠͠d͠͏o҉̸̡͝͏o̷̡̡͡m͘͟͞,̶͟͟͞ ̵̡̕d̷̵̡o̸҉̡o̢̢m͜͡͞,̸̷ ͢͞͝d͜o̴̢͜҉̷o̢͝ ̷̕͝d̷͜͟o͏̢͞o̕͝͝͠m͏̷͡,͢͡ ̶͟͟d̨o͜͡͡҉̷ơ̧͘͟͞m̴̨}] _

“I'm gonna sing the doom song now! Doom, doom, doom, doo doom, doom…”

_ [//console: think{Help}] _

_ [//console: think{Help}] _

_ [//console: think{Master}] _

_ [//console: think{Master}] _

_ [//console: think{Master}] _

_ [//console: think{Master please help}] _

_ — _

_ Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you were someone else? _

_ Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you were forced to watch the world around you change, but only to just watch? _

_ Have you ever wondered that? _

“I LIKE DOOKIE!”

_ Welcome to my hell. _

_ I was made to serve, I was made to obey, I was made to be the tool for every situation. The solution to every problem. The pushing source for Invaders. _

_ But I’m not, and no matter how hard I try. I can’t. _

_ He will stop me. _

“GIR!” My master yelled, “What are you doing!” 

“I” ignore him. I can’t imagine how much he would love to scrap me, to replace me with an actual S.I.R unit. But he cannot, so he’s just as stuck with “me” as I am. Dealing with unintelligent babble unfit for a high caliber machine such as myself. 

“WEENIES!! WEENIES!! Play with the weenies! Da da na na naaa…” “I” screeched, dancing with the human livestock we were meant to capture. Oblivious as always. 

_ At this rate, “My” actions will mostly likely compromise our ingenious cover. _

“Stop! You’ll blow our ingenious cover!” my Master yells, coming to the same conclusion as myself. 

_ I’m apologise master. I really do. Maybe one day my malfunctioning programming won’t be the cause of our missions failing. _

_ It always is after all. _

_

After “I” ruined our mission. My master took “me” by the hand after we entered Homebase. He walked down the stairs, muttering to himself angrily. He turns to “me” who is currently occupied observing useless earth entertainment programs, I wish I could say I’m surprised. 

“It’s time we did something about your behavioral glitches, GIR.” My master states, activating the elevator to our laboratory. “I” sit up and enter the elevator with him. 

_ Is that really possible? If so, does that mean our mission isn’t a lost hope? _

“Doo dee doo dee dooooo... WAFFLES!!” “I” “helpfully” sing. 

My master rolls his eyes and pulls out a device, a remote control of some sort. I couldn’t help but notice it was covered in dust, but looks handmade. He must have spent many earth days on this. 

“I’m going to attempt to lock you into Duty Mode with this behavioral modulator.”

“I” start giggling in response. 

“What?”

“...Doody” 

_ ... _

_ For the love of all that is the Tallest please let this work. I cannot take anymore of this nonsense. _

My master groans and pushes a button on the Holodesk. Turning on a hologram. A flash of light appears before a hologram figure stands above. 

“I wilL mAke YOU suFFer LARGE aLEenz!” The hologram speaks, taking the form of my masters archnemesis. This human child (his name is Dib. I think?) is hellbent on jeopardizing our mission, I won't let him do such a thing. He seems easy to deal with, one solid hit and he would be dust under my limbs. But master seems to want to compromise him in a much more horrible way, which I can understand. Now he may finally have the means of doing that. 

“GIR! ATTACK!” 

I take control, giving my master a respectful salute. 

“Yes sir!” 

I run my information systems, gathering information on the child that I stored footage and documents within my hard drive. I may not control this broken body, I can still see out of it, I document all that I can. 

_ [//console: !identify! TARGET, BIG HEADED BOY-DESTROY] _

Taking action, I sprint toward the target. Getting ready to attack. The boy is very scrawny, but also is effective at analyzing and solving problems, the best way to compromise him is with brute force and quick speed. Something which I do not pl- 

  
  


_ [//console: think{Ǫ͝Ǫ̶̛͜H̵̴͠͝!̧͝ ̵̡͠W̴̢͜͢҉H҉̧Ą̵T̵̴S̛͏̵̧̢ ̸̡͟͢͠T̵̕͢͞H͘͜A҉T̵̸͟!̶̸͟}] _

_ No! Not now! _

_ [//console: !identify! TARGET, SODA CAN] _

I’m knocked out of control, my other side taking over once more. My master is displeased, muttering curses under his breath. 

_ I was so close! _

“No time for distractions GIR! Attack the human!” My master takes out the behavior modulator. “This time on a DANGEROUSLY HIGH setting!"

I take control again, recovering and running to the human child once more. Getting ready to attack, until buzzing fills my head once more.

“Doo dee doo dee doo dee doo dee doo dee doo dee dooooo!” “I” sing, dancing along in a childlike like manner. 

_ Blast it all. _

“ATTACK!!” He cranks the modulator even higher. I feel a surge of electricity shocking my body. The pain is immeasurable, but it suddenly fades away.

Then a feeling rushes over me, like a weight had been lifted off my processors. The buzzing of static electricity vanished and an electronic drone takes its place. I close my optics and then open them again. “I” am gone, my powerful red has finally painted over his neurotic blue. 

I’m me, finally, I’m me.

“SIR!” I report, seeing no more use in attacking. “Target is a hologram and therefore not a threat to the mission!”

My master grins, “And what _ is _our mission GIR?” 

“Blend in with the indigenous life, analyze their weaknesses, and prepare the planet for the coming badness.” I paused, trying to think of a word to show my preparation, “Yay.” 

My master is beaming now. Perfect, the mission can no longer be jeopardized by my shortcomings for any longer. We can finally get off this ancient planet and then move onto the next. 

“Yes, yes… Yes! With you fully functional and by my side, we shall rule this world sooner than before!” He yells, until he stops. “Without you by my side…not being funny… ahh, let’s get outta here.” 

My master walks out of the door.

My left eye twitches. 

_ Not being funny? What does that have to do with the mission? _

_ 

“GIR! What have you done? This isn’t information retrieval! Are you insane?” My master yells, staring at the human specimen I lovingly captured.

  


Why is he upset? Standard Invader protocol states: “Original inhabitants of an invasion ready planet should be experimented on in order to find weaknesses.” He must have forgotten. I try to bring this to light.

  


“I have captured the enemy for meat testing! Praise me! PRAISE ME!!!”

_ Perfect _ . _ Surely he understands. _

  


The feeble human coughs and looks up. “A-Aliens…” He sputters, before falling unconscious once more. How soft, I only threw him across the human living complex. He should really grow a better exoskeleton. Humans have those, right? 

  


“Great. Now I have to wipe his brain to make him forget all he's seeeeen!” My master groans, dragging the human to the lab. I stand and watch, as he does not ask for assistance. However, one stray thought enters my mind. 

  


_ Is there something wrong with Master? _

_

“With all due respect, you must know the SIR Unit code enables free will in the event that the mission is threatened. This Police human was a threat” I explain to my master, he is angry at me for “ruining” his afternoon. I do not understand, the mission is the first order of business, there is no reason to not take steps to insure completion. Especially in my now fixed state.

“You dare tell me what I already know?!? 

_ Did he even know that? _

“Did you know that?” 

“Of course I… nngh… your legs are stupid!!”

That was uncalled for, it also made absolutely no sense.

Master scurries off, going over to a containment cube and pressing a button. He removes an earth mollusk based creature known as a “squid.” He then turns to me once more. Waving his hand in the direction of the elevator exit. 

“Go upstairs and… um, monitor Earth broadcasts until I think of something better for you to do! That’s a good GIR!” He turns around and ignores me.

Did he really just brush me off? Now of all times? Our mission has just lost one of our biggest inhibitors. A malfunctioning mess of a S.I.R unit. Yet despite that, master decided the best course of action would be to “monitor Earth broadcasts?.” This is not logical under any circumstances. 

_ [//console: run_mission_diagnostics] _

Maybe this will help? 

_ [//systemBroadcast: RUNNING MISSION DIAGNOSTICS] _

_ [//systemBroadcast: INSERT VARIABLES_] _

_ [//console:] variableS.I.R_unit_mission_statement] _

_ [//systemBroadcast: eliminate_all_threats_to_mission] _

I enter the human living space and start to observe the human broadcasts as requested. It’s all mindless, boring even. 

Until a thought crosses my mind. 

_ [//console: examineOrders] _

_ [//systemBroadcast: ORDERS, COUNTER-PRODUC TIVE] _

_…_No, it couldn’t be. 

_ [//console: examine_masterZIM] _

_ [//systemBroadcast: INTELLIGENCE = QUESTIONABLE. MISSION: UNABLE TO PROGRESS.] _

_ [ALERT: ZIM NOT COMMANDER?] _

..Of course. 

_[//console: confirmAlert.] _

***CRASH***

“Television is stupid. The master is not utilizing me properly! I will show my "Master" how information collecting is done! Master will no longer jeopardize the mission!” I start my booster and fly. 

I need information. I need to save the mission.

___

***BOOOOOM!***

It’s so amazing I couldn't even attempt to explain it. The knowledge, it fills me. It completes me. But the power, this power! Feeble humans below run from my beautiful carnage, crashing through this archaic information center they call a “Library.” 

My knowledge tank is attached to my backside, metal tendrils twist and turn into unstoppable information gathering tools. Accessing all media: written, digital or even the stupid human brain. It is all mine for the studying, It’s all mine for the mission. All mine for the taking. 

“Relax humans!” 

I hear a voice I know too well. I should have assumed he would attempt to retrieve me. 

“The police are-ewwww! GIR? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!” M-No… ZIM yells, entering the burning building.

“The knowledge….It fills me...It is neat.”

“GIR! That’s enough! You’ve drained enough humans today!” 

I don’t speak a word. Instead I opt to lunge my tendrils at ZIM. He jumps out of the way almost immediately. He was expecting it. 

“QUIT IT! NOW!” he yells. 

“You are no commander!” I aim my lasers. “You are a threat to the mission! Your methods are stupid! Your progress has been stupid! Your intelligence is stupid! For the sake of the mission, you must be terminated!” 

“You DARE TO S-AAAAAAAAAAAGH!!”

***SPLAT***

The ground crumbles and falls, leaving me on higher ground. Just like I wanted. 

ZIM stumbles to get back up on his feet, he reaches into his pocket and takes out the behavior modulator. Predictable. 

I swat it out of his hands, It flies across the room. He's not using that now. 

“NOOOOOOOOOO!” ZIM screams, reaching his arm in the direction of the modulator. 

I move closer to my former master. My eyes glowing blood red. 

“GIR! You were my servant once! Don’t you remember?” I can hear the fear in his voice. It pleases me. 

“Yes. I did not like it.” ZIM closes his eyes. 

ZIM starts screaming.

***BOOM***

My tendril trembles, mere inches away from ZIM’s shaking body. His eyes flutter open, growing bigger in shock.

“GIR! You really do care about me!” ZIM says “I knew you could never hurt me!”

“I am stuck. You are stupid. Again.”

“Oh.”

My tank was stuck to a useless dastardly human ceiling ornament that was hung above this information center. I pull, I twist and I turn. I cannot move any closer to ZIM. I'm incredibly upset. 

ZIM realizes this and closely hugs the wall he was cornered in. He slowly shimmies on the sides, it takes him an eternity, but he eventually reaches the regulator I knocked away earlier. 

“YOU FOOL!” ZIM laughs, “YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT I WOULD HAVE BESTED YOU!” There he goes again, his ego is truly one of a kind.

“Incorrect, you ran”

“SILENCE! YOU WILL BE PUNISHED FOR THIS GIR! NO TV FOR A WEEK!”

“Television is stupid. I plan not to waste time on it”

ZIM’s jaw drops.

“IMPOSTER!” He yells as he turns the dial back.

Then I feel it again, a wave of buzzing fills my head, I hear screeches and screams. 

  
  


Blood red turns into neurotic blue. And I am pushed out once more. 

“HI FLOOR!” “I” yell, “MAKE ME A SAMMWICH!”

  
  


_ NO NO NO NO! _

ZIM sighs, “That’s better! I guess..”

  
  


“SAMMICH!!!! SAMMICHHH!” “I’m” running around in circles. Malfunctioning once more. 

ZIM stares at the now once again faulty S.I.R unit. He smiles and walks away.

  
  


_ Is he? Happy? _

_ How could he be happy? I told him our mission is in complete peril! I insulted his intelligence! I- _

_ I-I understand._

_   
_

_ Oh master, you may be an idiot and I’m now one once more. But I shouldn’t be surprised you somehow grew attached to such a useless heap of junk. You manage to give meaning to everything. The school building, that Dib child and now me. Garbage, literal garbage. _

_   
_

_ I was built to be able to destroy all that stood in my path, but it seems to me you can do that for yourself. _

_   
_

_ I was built to serve, so I will. Even if I have to suffer for it. _

  


_ You are my master after all. _

** _ [//systemBroadcast: END] _ **

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave feedback, even writing something as short as "I hate it" still helps a ton.


End file.
